Monday, April 26, 2010

My Best Friend...

I got married 4 years before my best friend.  I know it was hard for her losing me to my husband because she wanted the same thing.  We continued our strong friendship and I always made sure she never felt like the third wheel and was still very involved in my life. 
She got married a year and a half ago...and got pregnant at what seemed like the exact time she wanted to.  She was so good to me during her pregnancy, having me be involved without being overbearing.  I love her for that.  I know its a thin line, but she handled it all so well. 
She had her baby last Thursday.  When I found out I sobbed and sobbed.  I couldn't tell if I was sobbing because of I was so immensely jealous or if I was truly happy for her.  I think it was a bit of both. 
I went to see them on Saturday and just kept praying I could keep my cool while there.  I did not want to cry while holding her baby.  I didn't want to take away from their happiness.  I met the little guy and he was so adorable and so precious and I just fell completely in love with him. 
I'm not going to lie, on my drive home, I was jealous and thinking when is it my turn, but I am working on just being happy for my friend and her new little family and grateful to be apart of his life.

17 comments:

  1. What you felt/feel is normal. We would all be feeling the same way if we were holding someone else's new born baby. I'm sure deep down you are extremely happy for your friend and that you get to be part of that baby's life. That baby is blessed to have an 'auntie' like you in his life.

    ((Hugs))

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  2. Katie,
    I know exactly how you feel. It is so difficult but it sounds like you are in a really good space about it.
    One of my BF's, 9 years my junior got preggars while engaged, it was an oops! It was hard for me but I love her little guy!

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  3. Wow. You are an amazing woman. So many women aren't able to handle a situation like this like you have. Good for you! I know it's hard and hurts like hell. As difficult as it is to be happy in situation like this and express happiness even though we ourselves are so jealous and sad is important. It helps us grow as people even though our fertile lives are stalled. You're awesome!

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  4. Oh boy have I been there. For some reason I seem to draw a line between those friends with babies I can handle and those I can't. My best friend got married one year earlier than I did and is now with a 1 1/2 year old and though I love hanging out with them and love her daughter, I can't help but hold my breath every time she calls - thinking she may announce being pregnant with her second before I even get out of the gate with my first.
    Hang in there sweetie - your day, your very own day will come in some shape or form and what a wonderful day it will be. Head up and do whatever you can to get to where you are going - we are stronger than we think we are!!

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  5. I think it is great that you were able to go see your friend's new baby. I think that it is totally normal to be sad/happy/jealous all at the same time. It is such a bittersweet experience. One of my best friends is having a baby in August, and I hope I can handle it with as much grace as you have.

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  6. You are so strong. I can't imagine how hard it was to have to go through that. I admire you for going to see the baby and for being able to recognize those feelings. It's totally normal to be sad, happy, and jealous at the same time. (((hugs))) to you, brave woman!

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  7. No way would I have kept it together was well as you have!! Cngratulations! It must be very hard for both of you, but what a wonderful friendship to last even in this difficult time! ((HUGS))

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  8. Thanks for your comment to me today! I completely know what you mean about best friends. My bf and I decided we wanted babies around the same time. She miscarried her first and then got pregnant right away after. Me: 2 1/2 years later & nothing to show. She has a beautiful 15 month old AND just got pregnant again on the 2nd try! She completely empathized w/me even more saying how she could understand that she wanted it again and it essentially happened and doesn't know how I could deal with the wait I've had.

    Interestingly I've had similar jealous and not wanting to hear about/spend time w/her baby but whenever I do, I think he's just super adorable. I saw them last night & it was very fun.

    I hope you find peace w/your bf. It sounds like she's been incredibly sensitive to you and I hope she continues to be! (((hugs)))

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  9. (((Hugs))) I'm stopping by for the first time through ICLW. I'm "meeting" such amazing and strong women through this, and you are one of them. It's so hard to be truly happy for family and friends, and its okay to shed tears. Totally normal. I've been blessed to become a mom through adoption. But I've also realized that it didn't take away all the pain of IF, I still have hard days. But it lessened it and it took away my fear of never being a mother for sure. If I hadn't have gone through it I would never have my daughter. If I had stopped or given into my fear I wouldn't have her. So keep hoping and moving forward and one day you will be a Mommy too. And when that day comes all of this will make you that much more of a wonderful Mommy!

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  10. I think it is great how you two respect each other. When we found out about our infertility issues our closest friends announced their suprise pregnancy. It is really hard but I think you handled it with class.

    Happy ICLW!(#70)

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  11. It is so hard. SO HARD to see someone get what you want, even if it's someone you love.
    I am struggling with this at the moment too.

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  12. It must have been so hard, but at least you have found a way to deal with the situation.

    I think that you have a really strong bond with your BF, and that is great to be able to respect their time.

    Good luck on you journey

    ~Stopping by for ICLW #126

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  13. What a tough situation. It is great that you stayed true to your friend during her pregnancy, and have already met her newborn. I hope she knows how good of a friend you are!

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  14. I know how you feel, my best friend is due in early July and I am actually dreading it. I truly want to be happy for her, but am worried that I won't be able to keep it together when I meet her baby.

    ICLW

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  15. I remember feeling that way and then it was my turn and someday it will be yours too. Stay positive and be the best "aunt" that you can be to your friend's little one. (ICLW #90)

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  16. By the way, I just added your link--(Stress Free Infertility)!

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  17. Just coming by to say thank you for becoming a follower. I just became your newest one and I am happy to learn and support your journey!

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