The thought of not becoming a mother is my worst fear. I am living my life in fear. I can’t move on because that fear is apart of everything I do.
This fear began when we first found out that we were a couple who would struggle with infertility. The fear grew with each test, each doctor's visit, each procedure we tried and the fear just about got the best of me when our IVF was unsuccessful.
I am reminded of this fear at work, at the grocery store, at church and even at family functions. It’s changed how I see the world. I am no longer the happy go lucky girl that I used to be. I try to be, but this has forever changed me.
I fear I won't keep strong relationships with my friends because we don't have kids in common. I fear that relationships will change with family members because we can't bring them the joy of adding children to our family. I fear that just being me won't be enough in some relationships. I fear I'll be left out of so much joy and happiness because I won't be able to have a child of my own.
But what if I use this fear to help me be courageous in this fight against infertility?
What if I use this fear to rise above and find joy in other aspects of my life?
What if I use this fear to help others, because I know the pain they are feeling?
What if I use this fear to become an advocate for infertility awareness?
What if I can change this fear into hope?
For more information about infertility, please visit www.resolve.org/infertility101. To learn more about National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), go to www.resolve.org/takecharge. And to see how "Project IF" started, check out www.stirrup-queens.com/2010/04/bloggers-unite-project-if.